McCain Looks for a Lizard (part 2)

This Tuesday, the bitter people of Pennsylvania will vote in the Democratic primary, so John McCain will be relegated to the background in the news media.  Well, that is, unless he bites a child at a local zoo or something.  Since John McCain will be in the background today, I figured I would look at some people who will in the background behind John McCain when he slowly lumbers up to the podium to accept the presidency on January 20th, 2009.  Potential McCain vice presidents:

1. Mike Huckabee – An obvious choice.  Huckabee has a lot of the Conservative Christian cache that Mitt Romney would have, but without the magic underpants.  Also, as a bassist, he is attuned to standing in the background while the lead guitarist shines.  Of course, this is only true figuratively, because John McCain’s turtle hands and feet are not suitable for playing guitar.
2. Joseph Lieberman – Many people have noticed how buddy, buddy McCain and Lieberman have been lately.  One must remember that Lieberman is no longer a Democrat, but an “Independent Democrat,” so it wouldn’t be THAT odd if he ran with John McCain.  It would also be great to have Lieberman around as an advisor when McCain is confusedabout Shiite Iran and Sunni Al-Qaeda, in case he needs declare military action or anything like that.
3. Condoleezza Rice – Another bold choice in the demographic debate.  “Oh Democrats, you have someone who’s black?  So do we.  A woman?  HA!”  Condoleezza has frequently stated that she doesn’t want the VP spot, that she would rather go to Stanford and share cocktails with Donald Rumsfeld at the Hoover Institute while trying to finally master how to play “The Bitch is Back” on piano.  However, it’s Condoleezza, do you really believe her?
4. Satan – Last time I speculated that Jesus might make a good running mate for John McCain since Jesus is obviously a Republican (of course, discounting 5 of the 10 commandments).  However, the Vice President often needs to be the bad guy.  In the tradition of great Republican vice presidents like Dick Cheney, Spiro Agnew and Richard Nixon (’53 to ’61, remember), Satan seems like a natural choice.  He has an intimidating presence, is a tough negotiator and even talks back to the man above if needed.  Do you think Hugo Chavez or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad could intimidate this guy if our Lord and Savior doesn’t intimidate him?  Plus, serving as Vice President for the Republican party obviously imparts God’s good will on someone and maybe, just maybe, after 8 years, Satan could finally find his way back into Heaven.  That would just be good for everyone.

On a side note, I wish people would stop referring to McCain’s vice president as a running mate.  As a turtle, it is impossible for McCain to run and implying that he has a mate with which to run is simply rude and insensitive.